Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
