What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
