hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
