Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
