When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
