How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
pray to the hookup gods
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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