do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she pinky promised me she was 18
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
