I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
