Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
