Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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