if i can run in heels then i can drive
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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