Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
