he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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