im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
