Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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