Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Your cock deserves a montage
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
