Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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