i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
