He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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