woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
