8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
