Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
