I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize