If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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