And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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