Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
