I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just gift wrapped bread.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
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I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
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You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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