It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
