I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Let's paint friendship bongs
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
