Me too!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
