OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
