every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
