you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
