Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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