Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
