Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
