the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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