can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
