Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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