matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
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it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
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Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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