She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
