all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize