we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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