I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
