He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
