Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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