i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Ladies don't puke and tell
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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