Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
