so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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