You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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