just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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