Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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