Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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