dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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