There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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