I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
