What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
