I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
