You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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