Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
