i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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