i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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