Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
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The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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