You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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