The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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