i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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