i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
one might say we're banned from that church
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
