he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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