soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
