i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
