It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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