You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
