I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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