I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
