You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
