cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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