I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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