mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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