apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
