I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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