capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
His nipple licking is glorious
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
