i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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