Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
